I’m continuing to explore a book called “The Lost Art of Compassion.”  It’s written by a psychotherapist, Lorne Ladner, who brings Buddhist practice into the therapy process he offers his clients.  He has written a book filled with practical wisdom.  For example, in a chapter called “The Radiant Heart”, he says:  “Buddhism and Western psychology agree that the more deeply, intensely, and frequently we allow ourselves to feel any given emotion, the more habituated we become to it.  Each time we strongly experience a certain emotion, we increase our predisposition for experiencing that emotion again in the future and for seeing the world from the perspective of that emotion.  This is true in the case of negative emotions like anxiety and rage, and it’s also true of positive emotions like love and compassion.”

As I read this paragraph, I found myself thinking about what a good experiment it would be to invite all of us to notice what kinds of emotions we reinforce and what kinds of emotions would be useful to cultivate.  I know that in my own life, I do my best to focus on feelings that support a sense of well-being.  When I fall into negative, or distressing feelings, I honor them and allow them to work their way through me.  But, I’ve spent years cultivating a “home base” of nurturing and enlivening emotions and attitudes – compassion, curiosity, delight, love, joy.  With these as a baseline, when I become upset about something, I know that I’ll eventually return to one of these emotions and points of view, no matter how intense my distress might become.

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to bring your awareness to the particular emotions and attitudes you spend time reinforcing in your life.  Are you someone who tends to complain about what’s happening in your life and around you in the world?  Are you someone who experiences life in a fearful or anxious way?  Are you someone who finds yourself feeling anger, even when you hadn’t expected it?  Do you question your own capacities and skills, and are you burdened by self-doubt or feelings that you don’t know what you’re doing?  I could go on and on.  We all have had the experience of any number of negative emotions that plague us from time to time – or all the time!

Once you’ve identified emotions and attitudes that may make leave you feeling agitated, exhausted, or otherwise not in a state of well-being, take some time to consider what emotions you’d rather experience on an on-going basis.  Then, find images, memories, or other sources that support these emotions.  I often listen to CDs of inspiring music or presentations to focus me on states of being that support a sense of well-being in my daily life.  I also go to nature – Central Park, in my case – to immerse myself in sensory awareness that promotes well-being.  Each of us will have different sources of those feelings, and I invite you to focus on what works for you.  In his book, Ladner suggests doing Lovingkindness Meditation (see the Meditations page on this website), which is an effective and comforting way to develop a greater relationship with compassion.

An important companion on this journey is non-judgment.  All of us have learned some form or another of negative thinking and feeling that at times gets in our way.  The goal here is not to blame yourself for habits you’ve developed over the years.  The goal is to offer an opportunity to generate and support some new habits of feeling and thinking that result in a greater sense of well-being and ease in life.