I’m back with Pema Chodron’s book, “The Places that Scare You”, for this week’s exploration.  There’s a chapter in the book where she talks about the ways in which we make a habit of our resentments and how we can choose to become “warriors” and to cultivate lovingkindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity.  One of the important aspects of choosing to bring these kinds attitudes into the foreground of our experience is that it takes practice, practice, practice.  We must actively choose, each moment, to release resentment and look for connection.

I recall a client telling me about an AA principle that goes something like this:  “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”  I’ve probably shared this before as I laughed so hard when I heard it.  It’s so true!  How often do we become mired in thoughts about someone that end up hurting no one but ourselves?  It’s *our* adrenal glands that have gotten activated into anger or upset, and it’s *our* bodies that have to deal with that activation and stress – not the other person’s.  Equally powerful, the body-mind state we generate when we connect with lovingkindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity promote health and well-being in us, and that is a great gift to ourselves.

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to become more consciously aware of the places where you drop into resentment – or into any of the constricting, grinding kinds of feelings that pull you away from connection and into turmoil.  Then, when you do become aware of these moments, become aware of what happens if you decide *not* to feed those feelings and, instead, turn to lovingkindness, compassion, joy, or equanimity?  (You can find a lovingkindness meditation on the Meditations page.) 

The point isn’t to artificially force yourself to feel something you don’t feel.  Rather, it’s to become conscious of what’s happening spontaneously and noticing if you can or want to shift the focus of your attention to something healthier and better for you.  Also, it’s crucial not to get into any self-judgment around this experiment.  We all have our places of constriction, resentment, or any number of activating and uncomfortable feelings – they are human responses – and what we’re doing this week is giving ourselves an opportunity to notice these places and remember that we have more choice than we realize about whether or not to stay with these feelings.  There’s nothing wrong with having them – that’s pretty much inescapable.  It’s what we decide to *do* with them that creates an important and healing opportunity.