I continue to read the book, “Origins: African Wisdom for Every Day”, by Danielle and Olivier Follmi as the beginning part of my morning meditation.  The book is one of a series, as I’ve mentioned before, with a daily quotation paired with a beautiful photograph of a particular part of the world.  In “Origins,” the focus is on Africa.
 
Recently, a quotation by Manu Dibango said, “You cannot paint white on white or black on black.  Everyone needs the Other in order to be seen.”  These words moved me deeply, as it is true that we know ourselves best through the interactions we have with our world and with others who inhabit it.  We are constant mirrors for one another.  The reflections of ourselves we see in how others respond to us plays an important role in our developing and continuing experience of self.  And, the reflections we offer to others help to shape their experiences of who they are.
 
Because of the work I do with people’s early attachment issues, and the impact of the mirroring received growing up, I am keenly aware of the impact of the constant mirroring we offer one another as we move through the world.  Whenever I notice a child looking at me, I make sure my face mirrors back pleasure in making contact with that child.  I experience it as part of my practice of being present to offer a benevolent and welcoming mirror to those I encounter along the way, especially children.  It’s not that I always succeed, because I’m sure there are many unconscious moments when my face looks anything but welcoming, but the intention to do this practice helps me stay aware.
 
And so, this week’s experiment is two-fold.  First, I want to invite you to begin to notice your internal responses to your encounters with others, particularly in relation to how they look at you, talk with you – to the quality of interaction between you and the other.  Do you find your self-esteem nourished and supported in these encounters, or do you discover that there are certain times, and interactions with certain people, where you end up feeling somehow worse about yourself.
 
For the second part of the experiment, I invite you to play with the practice of being a benevolent and welcoming mirror in your world, of wearing your face and body language in such a way that your presence is an unspoken gift to those you encounter, especially children you may see along the way.  I don’t mean to suggest that you be delightful and engaging in every moment.  I’m actually talking about playing with some very subtle shifts in facial expression and body language.  For example, if you’re standing in a line in a store and you become aware of your face, are you frowning or is your face at ease.  If a child were to look up at you, would she or he see a face that reflects back a welcoming glance, or would they see a face that looks disapproving?
 
As always, the point of the experiment isn’t to figure out how to get it right.  Rather, it offers an opportunity to bring awareness to the subtleties of our day-to-day encounters with other people and how often we move through these moments unconsciously, unaware of the reflection we broadcast.