Each morning before meditating, I spend a few moments reading a sacred or inspirational book of some kind. One I’m currently exploring is “Words to Live By”, by Eknath Easwaran. It’s a book of daily meditations meant to support being more mindfully aware.

One morning, I read the following quotation, which was the theme for that day: “The words of the tongue should have three gatekeepers,” drawn from an Arab proverb. Easwaran doesn’t list the specific author, and what he went on to share I have heard in other spiritual centers. The guidance is, for me, quite powerful in these days of so much aggressive verbal interchange, in the media, and as we encounter one another along the way in daily life. Living in New York City, I experience many different kinds of verbal interactions in any given day, so the following guidance is particularly useful to me as a support in staying mindfully aware of my movement through the world.

In the daily meditation, Easwaran goes on to say the following: “Before the words get past the lips, the first gatekeeper asks, ‘Is this true?’ That stops a lot of traffic immediately. But if the words get past the first gatekeeper, there is a second who asks, ‘Is it kind?’ And for those words that qualify here too, the last gatekeeper asks, ‘Is it necessary?’”

Imagine what would change in the quality of your conversations or passing comments with people if you were to allow these three gatekeepers to inform your process. For me, when I do remember to be mindful of checking with myself before speaking – which isn’t as often as I’d like – I’m always amazed at how many things I don’t have to say after all. I must admit that I pay more attention to the “Is it kind?” gatekeeper than I do to the “Is it necessary?” gatekeeper. If I paid more attention to this third question, I would say many fewer things than I do.

And so, the experiment for this week invites you to become more mindful of your speech by playing with these particular questions: “Is it true?” “Is it kind?” “Is it necessary?” Notice which questions are easy for you to remember and which require you to be even more mindful of what’s coming out of your mouth. Pay attention to what happens when you become aware of saying something you don’t know to be true when you’re in the middle of a sentence, and how it feels to stop yourself and not continue, or something that’s unkind. Be sure to include your physical sensations in this exploration. You may notice a particular kind of tightness or discomfort when you’re saying something that’s untrue, unkind, or unnecessary. What helps you to bring stop yourself and come back to a state of mind that allows you simply to notice the urge in you without acting on it. Perhaps the hardest part of the experiment is playing with asking yourself if what you’re about to say is necessary. For me, that’s a pretty subjective judgment, so I invite you also to notice what you consider necessary and what you don’t.

I would expand this to noticing even the train of your thoughts – where you allow yourself to go in your own mind. I remember saying to a client recently – which I have done with many people – “I don’t mean to insult you in any way, but your mind is out of control!” This was in response to someone who has a habit of consistently looking for what’s missing because of past losses, and who tends to pay particular attention to shifting away from what’s going right and back into what’s missing. Actually, this is a habit all of us have to some degree or another, so tracking how we shift from what’s going right, or what feels good, to what’s not okay is always worth noticing. And, practicing gently bringing ourselves back to what’s going right or what feels comfortable or good in this moment is always a useful practice.

Also, as with all the experiments, there’s no way to do this one incorrectly. There’s only the continuing opportunity to notice how you move through your world and how present you are to who you are and what you do. Please remember, as always, to bring along curiosity as your constant companion and allow judgment to take a rest.