Week 643: Tracking Projections and Lovingkindness

ByNancy Napier

One of the things that our brains seem to do, usually without our conscious awareness, is to project our fears, shame, discomfort, beliefs, and maps of reality onto others. Think of the last time you assigned a motive to someone’s actions only to discover that you were completely off base about what you thought was going on with them. It’s a natural human tendency to do this and we aren’t really taught to pay attention to it. The unfortunate thing is how often we act on our projections before checking them out.

As we watch the current political process unfold in the United States, we are having a front row seat to the dynamics of projection on every side. Assumptions fly all around us, as a collective, and we don’t tend to ask ourselves if perhaps we’re projecting some of our own mixed feelings or unresolved issues onto other people. The problem with projection is that it tends to generate a vivid sense of the “other”, and we generally think of the “other” as not as good as we are, maybe even not as human, not as deserving of respect.

One of the ways I have used to help myself track my projections, or at least to assume they are happening, has been to practice Lovingkindness, or Metta. It’s a Buddhist practice, but using it doesn’t require you to adhere to Buddhist beliefs. A key element in Lovingkindness is the understanding that all beings want to be happy and that all beings want to be free from pain and suffering.

When practicing Lovingkindness, you first begin with yourself, then move on to loved ones, then friends and acquaintances, then to people you will never know, and then to people who have harmed you. That’s usually the most challenging—to wish people who have harmed you happiness and freedom from suffering. It’s a powerful practice to support a sense of our interrelatedness and interbeing, even though it can be truly difficult to open our hearts to those with whom we vehemently disagree and those who have hurt us.

I’ve written here before about Lovingkindness, and there are a number of different versions of the statements one can use in this practice. Here is one that’s simple and basic, but I encourage you to look on-line and find versions that particularly resonate with you. I’ve taken it from my books, Sacred Practices for Conscious LIving:

* * * * *

Lovingkindness Practice:

Begin with stillness – in the still point in the gap between the out-breath and the next in- breath.

Focus on your heart space and find the sacred space within the heart a cave, chamber, whatever comes to mind – Settle in there

Think about yourself for a moment, and explore your experience as you offer yourself lovingkindness with the following words, which you can repeat to yourself mentally or out loud:

May I be free from the causes of suffering.
May I live with compassion for myself.
May I experience happiness and well-being.

Now, think of all the people you love, everyone who is close to you. – Repeat the following words mentally or out loud:

May all those I love be free from the causes of suffering.
May I live with compassion for all those I love and may they live with compassion for themselves.
May all those I love experience happiness and well-being.

Now, think of all the people you know—acquaintances, colleagues, store clerks—or those people you have ever seen, anywhere and everywhere in the world. Repeat the following words, mentally or out loud, noticing what it’s like to make the conscious choice to open your heart to the fact that everyone you know wishes to be free from suffering and be happy:

May everyone I know or have ever seen be free from the causes of suffering.
May I live with compassion for everyone I know or have ever seen and may they live with compassion for themselves.
May everyone I know or have ever seen experience happiness and well-being.

Now, imagine everyone in the world you do not know and have never seen, and mentally or verbally repeat the following statements. Notice how your heart space must expand to include the billions of people you have never seen or met:

May everyone I do not know or have never seen be free from the causes of suffering.
May I live with compassion for everyone I do not know or have never seen and may they live with compassion for themselves.
May everyone I do not know or have never seen experience happiness and well-being.

Bring to mind, now, anyone who has ever hurt you in any way, remembering, as well, all those people you may have hurt. Then, continuing to expand your heart space and allowing any mixed feelings that may arise, say the following, mentally or out loud:

May anyone who has ever hurt me be free from the causes of suffering.
May I live with compassion for anyone who has ever hurt me and may they live with compassion for themselves.
May anyone who has ever hurt me experience happiness and well- being.

Next, imagine all the living beings of the earth—animals, insects, birds, fish, plants, rocks, viruses, bacteria—every single life form on the earth, visible and invisible:

May all beings be free from the causes of suffering.
May I live with compassion for all beings.
May all beings experience happiness and well- being.

Now, take a moment to imagine that not only do you send lovingkindness to all beings, but that you also are the recipient of lovingkindness thoughts being sent to you by the many people who engage in lovingkindness meditations around the world:

May I receive lovingkindness from others.
May I be free from the causes of suffering.
May I live with compassion for myself.
May I experience happiness and well-being.
May I receive lovingkindness from others.

Notice what it feels like to spend some time in your open heart experiencing the effects of both sending and receiving lovingkindness. Go back to the stillness, the ever-present stillness and review your experience. Imagine how practicing lovingkindness, if you don’t already, might affect the quality of your daily life, and your relationship with yourself and others.

* * * * *

As with all these experiments, be sure to bring along curiosity as your constant companion, rather than judgment, as there’s nothing to be gained if you criticize yourself for the spontaneous responses that arise within you. The opportunity at this time in our history is to deepen our sense of interconnection and allow ourselves to become more conscious of how we move through our world, of the moment-to- moment choices available to us at every point along the way.

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844th Week: Small Acts of Kindness Add Up

844th Week: Small Acts of Kindness Add Up

ByNancy Napier

Sitting in Central Park on a recent weekend morning, someone passed by where I sat without smiling or any acknowledgment. That wasn’t odd. People have all kinds of responses as they walk along. Some smile and say hello. Others smile briefly as they go by without saying anything. Some look over without smiling. Some pass on by without doing anything but continuing their walk. This young woman was one of those folks.

I happened to look up when she was a good bit beyond me and I noticed that she was looking for or at something on the ground. I thought she might have dropped something. She finally found a small branch on the ground, stripped off the leaves, and then reached down between her feet and worked to move what was either a worm or some other crawly other-than-human off the walkway. When she finally had the crawly on the branch, she took it to the grass and left it there. 

What touched me about this interaction is that this person cared enough to take the time to take the crawly other-than-human person out of harm’s way. That she noticed it and actively responded brought to mind the power of small acts of kindness, of the little things we do that add up over time. They are expressions of a fundamental kindness and a recognition that we share this world with countless others, some of whom are human and some of whom are other-than-human people. All are our earth-kin.

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876th Week: Exploring Optimal Futures

876th Week: Exploring Optimal Futures

ByNancy Napier

For many years, I’ve written and taught about the optimal future self and have seen what a powerful and useful resource it is. Recently, I began to think again about optimal futures, or each person’s optimal future, as another way to access possibilities and states of being that are positive and empowering. 

One of the key elements in exploring and experiencing optimal futures or the optimal future self, is to keep preconceptions and assumptions out of the way and to be open to the unfolding experience arising from the intention we bring into the process. Intention is the rudder that orients us to the probability or probabilities that resonate with what our intention conveys.

As I’ve begun to offer this as a guided meditation to colleagues, I’ve discovered that there are many ways people experience their optimal future. The key thing is to generate the intention that orients the experience. For some people, there is a sudden thought or awareness that opens a new door of understanding. For others, there may be a symbol or image that conveys a new felt-sense experience or awareness in some way that offers a moment of inspiration. Another person connected with the essence of ease, a quality that she has had trouble accessing. Her body immediately filled with an experience of ease and she spent her meditation time soaking that in. For me, my first experience was of a wave washing over me, cleansing me of old habits and learnings. No doubt, the experience will be unique for each person.

As is true with the optimal future self work, what is important is the experience that arises, whether that experience is a flash of insight, connecting with a living image or frequency/essence, or some other awareness that arises. The key is to feel the experience, preferably in the body but that may not be the way it comes into awareness each time. Because of my background in Somatic Experiencing® and hypnosis, I encourage people to notice what sensations arise during these experiences when possible, and to take time to soak in those that are new and helpful to have.

Remember, as well, that we live in a world of infinite possibilities, so in this meditation you focus on what’s optimal for you. You don’t want just any old future. In this meditation, you seek to connect with your optimal future.

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