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812th Week: Managing Uncertainty
One of the things that most of us find challenging is to manage uncertainty. It’s a natural response to be uncomfortable with not knowing what’s going to happen next or where we are headed, individually and collectively. For some people, finding conspiracy theories offers an experience of “knowing what’s going on” that calms the discomfort most of us feel around uncertainly. For others, anxiety becomes a constant companion and they have difficulty truly soothing themselves. For yet others, becoming numb and shutting down is their natural response to constant and mounting uncertainty.
Also, I want to affirm that having a response to uncertainty is certainly normal and not necessarily something that needs the kind of process I’ll describe below, so please be gentle with yourself when circumstances elicit discomfort and anxiety about the future.
As I’ve been thinking about how we can expand our capacity to be uncomfortable and find some degree of equanimity, I found myself thinking about a concept I have taught for many years—a process of uncoupling trauma-based associations, called over-couplings in the Somatic Experiencing® world. Let me define these terms as I did when teaching SE.
Trauma over-couplings are associations that become “glued together” during times of overwhelm or distress. These are individual elements of experience or learnings that actually don’t belong together. One common trauma-based, attachment-oriented over-coupling is: If I do what I want, they (whoever “they” might be) won’t love me. Those two things don’t really belong together and especially so in adult life. Another common trauma-based over-coupling is: Unless I know what’s going on, I won’t be safe. The problem with trauma-based over-couplings is that they predict something that may not, or probably won’t, happen. They often arise from childhood experiences where we were not only ill equipped to have options available to us but when we also weren’t mature enough to understand what was happening.
I’d like to offer one way to deal with these trauma-based over-couplings. I called it “therapeutic dissociation” in my book, Getting Through the Day, but it’s actually a form of uncoupling adult awareness and options from those arising from earlier overwhelming experience.
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711th Week: Receiving Generously
Walking through Central Park one morning, the sound of the birds, the slow but steady haze of green emerging on the trees, the emerging daffodils and other spring flowers all offered gifts that are part of the park’s waking up to a new season. As I walked, I took in the sounds, smells, and visual delight of this emerging season and the experience got me to thinking about the process of receiving.
Receiving is an active, reciprocal process. It acknowledges that something has been given and recognizes that the act of receiving can be an expression of generosity that can enhance this experience. I often invite people to notice their style of receiving. For example, when they sit down on a chair and receive the support available, do they actively take in the support that is present? Do they engage the reciprocal process of receiving what is offered with awareness? This may apply to any kind of receiving: support, friendship, kindness, much-needed food, clothing, or shelter, a smile—whatever is offered. How would you answer these questions? Read More “711th Week: Receiving Generously”
891st Week: Settling into Presence
One of the themes that has woven itself into and through my work for many years now is the importance, and power, of orienting our awareness to the place in us that reveals our core presence. This is a place I’ve written about a number of times. It’s where we discover the ever-present steadiness in us, the place in our wholeness that cannot be disturbed no matter what happens. It’s a reliable and accessible steadiness and is part of our core presence.
The other thing we discover when we settle into our core presence is what I refer to as the “unique energy signature” each and every one of us radiates throughout our body-mind being and out into the world in every moment. It is the “signature” of the presence we bring into the world, and it can be quite helpful to invite ourselves to orient to this aspect of our being. Becoming aware of it offers a way to deepen a sense of grounding and embodied presence, which is a state that stabilizes and supports us no matter what may be happening with, to, or around us.
For this week’s practice in conscious living, I offer the following guided meditation. Please remember that these meditations are offered as a possibility of how you might want to work with this. It’s important that you change whatever doesn’t resonate with you, as we are all “unique energy signatures”, unique expressions of life, and we want to honor our particular way of being in, and moving through, the world.
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